


And My Name Was On You

by veritas_st



Series: Your Name [2]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, I can't warn enough, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, sooooo much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 21:39:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10795266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veritas_st/pseuds/veritas_st





	And My Name Was On You

The weekend passes slowly; lazy hours spent learning each others bodies, the small places, soft skin, scars, imperfections that makes them perfect, coffees left going cold on the bedside table as they find yet another excuse to touch each other, there’s a pizza box on the floor at the foot of the bed and Mike’s pretty sure that Harvey has never let himself relax this much before. 

It takes Mike until the Sunday evening to tell Harvey he loves him. He’s never said it to Trevor, kept it hidden inside but he hadn’t felt like this for Trevor either, hadn’t felt with such aching clarity that he would rather die than let Harvey out of his life. He thought he had, but feeling it with Harvey seems to make everything else trivial. 

“I love you,” he says as Harvey had slips into the shower behind him, warm hands pressing into his stomach to bring him flush against him. He feels Harvey’s smile against his cheek. 

“I know.” 

“And?” Mike asks with a smile, turning in his arms to look at him. Harvey’s hair is lighter free from product and he smiles, pushes Mike against the glass shower wall and tells him with touches and kisses exactly how much he loves Mike. Not that Mike needs to hear it, he knows, with the same surety that he knows his own name, he knows. Harvey tells him until the water runs cold and Mike is shivering from not just the cold.

.....

“Mike,” Harvey’s voice is dark and low in his ear as Mike grips his hands around the kitchen counter. Harvey turns him, cups at his face and runs his thumbs across Mike’s cheekbones in the way that Mike had come to love in such a short space of time. “You ok?” The fact the he knows that he loves Harvey, and everything about him, in the space of two days, should make Mike terrified, make him run to the hills and never look back. He isn’t terrified, doesn’t run though, he’s calm and knowing, like everything is finally coming together. There’s just one thing weighing on his mind, niggling far in the back in between memories of Harvey’s hands on him, in him, and the way Harvey’s kisses make his skin come alive. 

“What happens now?” Harvey smiles with just his eyes and kisses Mike.

“To be honest, I’m not sure,” his nose nudges against Mike’s, “but no one can take this away.” 

“They wouldn’t dare,” Mike replies and Harvey laughs that deep laugh of his, smacks Mike playfully on the ass and proceeds to kiss the life out of him.

.....

Mike was expecting whispers and looks, pointed fingers, the whole nine yards, but what he wasn’t been expecting, as Harvey uses that gentle hand on his lower back to steer him towards his office the following morning, is Donna’s bright, knowing smile. 

“You figured it out,” she says, with a smile and a pat to his hand. 

“You knew?” 

“Sweetie, everyone knew,” she replies with that look of hers that Mike used to be terrified off, the one that she uses whenever she says ‘I’m Donna, I know”. 

There are meetings with Jessica, promises made that it wouldn’t affect work, Louis’s snort of derision makes Harvey bristle in a way that he never did before, but it’s about Mike now, and Mike knows how he would react in Harvey’s place. Harvey’s eyes are on him most of the day, and by the end of it Mike’s exhausted, ready to drop and let Harvey catch him. 

Harvey fucks him slow that night, mutters words of ownership into Mike’s mouth, his hands clamp around Mike’s hips and Mike thinks life can’t have got any better. Breakfasts grinning around mouthfuls of toast, Harvey’s hands on him in the shower, the scent of Harvey on his skin all through the day and Harvey’s legs tangled with his as they slept. 

This is what has been missing in Mike’s life, what Trevor wasn’t able to give him.

.....

The thing about knowing someone is your soulmate is there is no guessing involved, no taking it slow and dancing around each other, trying to keep up appearances until the other falls head over heels. Mike’s already there, within twenty four hours he’s hopelessly lost and is the way Harvey looks at him is any indication, he’s just as lost. 

“What happens if…” Mike says one night, legs tangled with Harvey’s, Harvey’s fingers resting on the small of his back and Mike can still feel the hum of arousal in his blood, the slightly elevated heartbeat thumping in his chest and Harvey shifts slightly. 

“If what?” 

“If one of us…” Harvey stiffens and Mike feels like all the air’s been sucked out of the room. He holds his breath until Harvey moves, props himself up on his elbow and looks down at Mike, his hand surprisingly gentle against Mike’s cheek, in contrast to his firm words. 

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Mike. Got that? Nothing.” 

He kisses Mike then and Mike’s so wound up in the feel of Harvey’s weight on him that he doesn’t notice the fact that Harvey doesn’t mention himself.

.....

Two months later, two months of bliss and heartbreaking perfect, there’s an accident. 

One that leaves Mike broken and shaking. One that not only tilts Mike's world on its axis, but turns it completely upside down. 

One that rips Harvey from him. 

One minute he’s there, smiling at Mike, his smile that’s bright with the promise of things to come once they shut the door behind them and lock out the rest of the world, Harvey’s hand’s reaching across the space between them in the back of the car and brushing over Mike’s palm. And the next, there’s screeching of rubber against tarmac, the sickening crunch of metal and Mike doesn’t remember much after that, flashes of light, and pain, a woman screaming, the smell of burnt rubber and blood, sirens, paramedics, doctors, he remembers hearing Harvey’s name on his lips and wakes to Donna’s hand in his and her red hair splaying out over his narrow hospital bed. 

“Donna?” Donna looks at him with eyes that brim with tears and shakes her head. 

“I’m so sorry Mike,” she says, in a choked voice. No.

“What?” _God no please no._

“It’s Harvey…he…” Mike’s blood runs cold, turns to ice in his veins as Donna leans forward and touches his hand. 

“No.” He pulls away, shaking his head and Donna stands, wrings her hands in front of her. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No. No he can’t…Donna you don’t understand…he’s, he’s mine,” Mike says, like that’s meant to protect him, like that’s meant to protect _them_. That because they had found each other nothing would happen to break that, when Mike knows of thousands of cases where this has happened, or where one has died before they found each other. 

_No._

“I know,” she says and Mike can feel himself begging her with his eyes. She looks tired, like she’s been worrying for far too long and Mike wants to feel sympathy for her. She opens her mouth to speak again but the Doctors arrive and ask her to leave and Mike’s prodded and poked and by the time they leave him alone, Mike’s numb. 

Numb to the core and shaking like a leaf. 

Donna finds him later, wandering the halls on shaking legs. 

“He said no one could take it away,” Mike says as Donna had pulls his arm over her shoulder, wraps her own around his waist. 

“I know sweetie.” 

“He lied.”

.....

The apartment’s cold and empty when Mike is eventually allowed to go home, Donna driving him herself and Mike remembers the doctor’s telling her about the medication, Donna nodding. But Mike isn’t listening, too focused on the fact he feels empty somehow. It smells like no one has opened a window in months and Mike forgets to ask Donna how long it has been since the accident, since the drunk driver ploughed into Harvey’s side of the car and wiped out what clarity and stability Mike had found in his life. Harvey’s suit jacket is still hanging on the peg by the front door, like Harvey’s already home, waiting for Mike, taking a quick shower before cooking dinner and fucking Mike into the couch, hands in his hair and whispering “I love you” into Mike’s mouth. 

Mike doesn’t realise his legs have given out until he hits the floor, one hand pressing into the cold stone, the other across his eyes, feels the lack of Harvey deep in his bones and manages to pull his jacket off the peg without standing and eventually falls asleep on the floor with Harvey’s jacket under his head, ignoring the small voice in his head that taunts him with _Harvey wont like his jacket crumpled when he gets back._

.....

Jessica assures him that he still has a job with Pearson Hardman when she came round the next day, looking somewhat uncomfortable and more than a little distraught. That doesn’t stop Mike from feeling like he doesn’t belong when he goes back to work two days later, ignores the whispers and looks behind his back and lets himself be pulled into a hug from Donna. 

Mike wishes he could muster the energy to care about anything else, to care about Donna and how she must be hurting, to care about Jessica, and everyone else Harvey has left behind but he can’t. Not when he sees the Janitor scraping Harvey’s name off the office door. 

Donna has to hold him back, anger taking over his body at the sight of Harvey’s name vanishing in front of his eyes. Jessica explains, in gentle tones, that Mike is getting the office, that’s what Harvey had wanted. 

“I want his name on the door,” Mike says and Jessica nods, shoos away the collected staff come to see Mike Ross lose his cool and makes an order to get another label, sends Mike home and Mike ignores Ray’s attempt at small talk.

.....

“I don’t…I can’t do this Donna.” Mike swipes all the legal documents off Harvey’s desk and Donna just looks at him in the way she has been doing ever since he came back to work, three days after he got out of hospital. He couldn’t sit around the apartment anymore. She has pity in her eyes and Mike has had enough of it. 

“Mike.” 

“I don’t _want_ to do this Donna. Because doing this means he’s gone. And that means he’s not coming back. And that means I have to figure out how to live my life without him and I don’t want to have to do that,” Mike runs a hand over his face and Donna pulls him into a bone-crushing hug that he stands completely still for. “I can’t do that.” 

Certain arrangements after a person’s death can only be made by the other half, and being another half has to be made official. Donna had told him this morning that things needed to be arranged and Mike has felt sick ever since, and then she passes him the documents, documents that tell Mike he owns the apartment, and everything else in Harvey’s life, that Harvey has made it official, somehow, some time, the law knows that Mike belongs to Harvey. 

He doesn’t even want to start thinking in the past tense yet. 

“We all miss him Mike. And I can’t imagine what you feel like, but this needs to be done, in the eyes of the law you’re the only one that can do it, kid,” the way she calls him kid makes Mike stop, remember the way Harvey had called him that, with his dick deep inside Mike, his mouth against his ear _come now, kid, come for me._

“When the hell did he do this anyway?” he asks, shaking himself free from the memory, “how did he have time to make it official?” Mike asks and Donna sighs sadly, her hand soft and warm under Mike’s chin.

“He did it after you left the Harvard Interviews,” she replies, letting him go and Mike has the sudden urge to punch something, hard. 

“If…fuck. If he’d just fucking _told_ me,” Mike grips the pencil so hard in his palm that it breaks, snaps like a dry twig and he doesn’t even felt it when one end stabs into his palm, “I’m so angry with him.” 

“Mike,” Donna reaches out and presses a tissue to his palm. 

“How could he leave me?” Mike’s still numb so he doesn’t have to fight tears as they just don’t come. Donna doesn’t answer, just gathers the scattered documents and touches Mike’s cheek gently before leaving. Mike presses his hands to the desk, revels in the sting from his palm as he closes his eyes and breathes in the scent of books, leather baseballs and Harvey.

.....

Mike never had the chance to ask Harvey about his family, he was ripped from Mike too soon, but Donna knows, informs them, tells about the funeral and Mike stands with his fingers wrapped in Donna’s long ones, staring at complete strangers across Harvey’s casket. Strangers who have Harvey’s eyes, his jaw line, the same set to their mouths. 

Mike still hasn’t cried, he hasn’t shed one tear for Harvey, and he wonders, as they lower the casket, if that makes him broken, if the simple act of having Harvey taken away from him has broken him beyond repair. 

He doesn’t stay afterwards, can’t look at the strangers with Harvey’s eyes without feeling angry and he slides away, back to the apartment, pulls on Harvey’s old Harvard hoodie and falls asleep on the couch with _Mississippi Burning_ playing softly in the background and his phone vibrating with missed calls from Donna.

.....

Mike doesn’t know how Trevor finds out, Mike hasn’t even told Jenny, not spoken to her since she walked out and left Trevor broken, but as Mike gets home from a particularly hard day, eyes itching and head pounding, he finds Trevor with his back pressed into the door and his arms wrapped around his knees. 

“How are you?” Trevor asks, pushing himself upright

Mike snorts, “peachy,” opens the door and tries to ignore the smell of Harvey that had still lingers in the apartment. 

“Yeah, I can see that,” Trevor replies, taking in the mess of the apartment, the dirty glasses in the sink because Mike hasn’t eaten since before the accident, food had been tasting like ash in his mouth, but drinking has been easy. “Mike…” 

“I wish I'd never met him,” Mike doesn’t know what it is about Trevor being there that makes him want to open up, to blurt out the dirty little secret he has been holding onto since Harvey had been taken from him, maybe its just because its Trevor, and he makes him feel like a clueless teenager again, but Mike does open up and Trevor goes to take a step towards him but thinks otherwise as Mike shakes his head. 

“Mike.” 

“This is your fault,” Mike rounds on Trevor. Trevor looks shocked, take a step back, “you sent me on that drop, you practically drove me to him.” 

“That's not fair, Mikey.” 

“You want to talk about fair? Trevor I can't breathe properly, everything hurts and I can't go to work, hell, I can't fucking be in this apartment without thinking about him if I hadn't met him…” 

“You'd be empty,” Trevor says, finally reaching out and touching Mike’s hand where it lies on the kitchen counter. Mike pulls it away and shoves both his hands into his pockets. 

“At least there wouldn't be this pain.” He doesn’t wanted to admit that, doesn’t want to admit to being weak, especially in front of Trevor who has always been the strong one. 

Trevor comes closer, tentatively like he’s testing the waters and for whatever reason Mike lets him. He lets him come, so close that all Trevor has to do is reach out and he could touch Mike. Mike sways slightly, forward, and Trevor takes that as permission, reaches out and curls his fingers around Mike’s hand. The air between them crackles and Mike suddenly can’t breathe, let alone move. 

“You’ve read the stories Mike,” Trevor says and without thinking, Mike knows what he’s talking about, can feel it between them and it makes his heart trip in his chest. 

“No Trevor, don’t,” he takes a step back and Trevor keeps his hold on his hand. 

“Sometimes there is more than one person for someone.” 

“What happened to Jenny?” Mike asks and a frown flickers across Trevor’s face. 

“She’s not mine, she never was, Mike. I think we all knew that, deep down,” Trevor comes closer, lifts his hand to Mike’s face and Mike wants to melt into the touch, wants to feel something other than this bone deep ache of loneliness. 

_Mine Rookie, you’re mine._

Mike jumps, Harvey’s words so loud he’s surprised Trevor doesn’t seem to have heard them. Mike can almost feel Harvey’s possessive hands on him, clamping hard around the tops of his arms, his breath hot against Mike’s ear. 

“I don't want you Trevor. I don't want you, I want H…him,” Mike says, turning his face away from Trevor’s fingers. 

“You can't even say his name,” and then both Trevor’s hands are on his face, thumbs pressing under Mike’s chin, “but you can say mine, Mikey.” 

Mike feels the phantom hands on his arms tighten. 

“Trevor…get off me,” Mike says it with such venom that Trevor lets him go, drops his hands and shoves them into his pocket. 

“I’m going to go,” Trevor says and Mike nods dumbly, ignoring the way his skin still prickles where Trevor had touched it. “But I’m not leaving Mike.” 

“Good night Trevor.”

.....

_Mike can feel the sun on his face, bright behind his closed eyes but there’s a slight breeze blowing across his skin and gentle fingers running over his cheek._

_“Rookie,” Harvey’s voice almost sounds like it’s in his head, but Mike knows Harvey’s leaning over him, “open your eyes Mike,” he opens them to see Harvey’s face._

_“Hey,” Mike smiles and Harvey smiles back, leaning down to kiss him. He tastes of whiskey and coffee._

_“Hey kid,” he mutters against Mike’s mouth and Mike feels a sob rise up in his throat._

_“I miss you,” Harvey runs his fingers through Mike’s hair, pressing in gently to Mike’s scalp._

_“I know. I miss you too,” Harvey’s mouth is warm as he kisses along Mike’s jaw, somehow managing to carry on speaking, “but it will get better, kid, you know that.”_

_“No,” Mike says and Harvey stops, pulls back and cocks his head to the side. The sun behind him makes it hard to see his features but Mike’s knows them by heart anyway._

_“You can’t stop just because I’m not there anymore,” he says and Mike shuts his eyes._

_“Yes I can,” he mutters and Harvey laughs gently._

_“No you can’t,” he says, and kisses Mike again._

_“Harvey I need…to feel you. Touch me.”_

_“This is a dream kiddo,” Harvey replies and Mike opens his eyes._

_“Please,” Harvey looks at him, sympathy bleeding out from his eyes but he kisses Mike again, pushes his hand into Mike’s pants and curls his fingers around Mike’s dick. Mike sighs, pushes his hips upwards as Harvey licks into his mouth and twists his hand, swipes his thumb over the slit at the top of his dick, smears pre-come over the skin._

_“Mike…you have to let me go,” Harvey says, twisting his hand again and Mike grips at Harvey’s shoulders._

_“I can’t.”_

_“Let go Mike,” he says, more urgently this time and Mike shudders, tugs Harvey down with a hand at the back of his neck and kisses him hard as he comes over his hand, “let go.”_

Mike wakes achingly hard, with a pounding headache, sheets twisted around his legs, sweat dripping off his skin and the taste of Harvey on his lips.

.....

Grammy opens her arms, like she always does, when Mike closes the door behind him, and Mike wants nothing more than to curl up next to her, pretend that he’s 8 years old again, small and missing his parents, Grammy’s fingers working through the sticky knots in his hair. 

He leans down to kiss her and Grammy cups her small hands around his face, kisses his forehead and Mike wishes he feels the sting of tears in his eyes, but they remain dry. 

“Trevor’s back,” he says and Grammy nods, like she has been expecting this, and Mike frowns at the feeling that he’s missing something. “What’s going on?” 

Grammy sighs, pushes herself upright and pats the bed next to her. 

“It’s always been Trevor, Mike,” she says and takes Mike’s hand. Mike blinks at her, “it just had to be Harvey first.” 

That takes Mike by surprise, twists his stomach and makes it drop and at first he thinks he’s hearing things but Grammy’s looking at him with a kind of sad knowledge on her face, an apologetic look and Mike finds himself standing, backing away from her for the first time in his life. 

“No.” Grammy nods sadly and reaches out to him. 

“Yes Michael, I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t want Trevor, I don’t, I…Harvey hated him,” he says, like that’s argument enough, like Harvey still has a say over what Mike does. 

“I know,” she says and looks down at her hands, “he hated him because he knew,” Mike feels the door handle dig into his back and he wants to run but he’s frozen to the spot by confusion and Grammy’s knowing gaze and gentle tone. 

“How?” 

“He came to see me,” she says, “the day before the accident,” and Mike smiles a little at that, at Harvey and Grammy talking, Harvey’s large frame filling the small room and making Grammy look even smaller. 

“Wait,” he says looking back at Grammy, “you told him?” 

“No,” she says, “ _somehow_ he knew that Trevor was after him.” 

“Did he know he was going to die?” Mike feels sick, cold and his hands shakes. 

“No,” she says firmly, “but he knew the only way he’s let you go was if he died, so I guess he suspected,” she finished and Mike feels his knees go weak and he holds onto the door handle to keep himself up right. 

“…I…no. No,” Mike pulls the door open, grips his fingers around the wood and his knuckles go white. 

“Michael,” Grammy starts, using the tone she used when he was little, running out of the door to meet Trevor. 

“No,” Mike doesn’t look at her, shakes his head and swallows down the nausea, “it’s not Trevor, it’s never been, it’s always been Harvey and that’s it. I don’t want anyone else.”

.....

_"You can’t just shout at her you know, it’s not her fault,” Harvey says, hands warm against Mike’s chest as Mike grips his hands around the railings on Harvey’s stupidly impressive balcony._

_“You don’t get to give me advice,” he says and Harvey snorts, pulls him tighter to his chest and nips at his ear lobe._

_“And why’s that?”_

_“Because you knew you’d leave me.”_

_“No I didn’t,” Harvey replies, runs his tongue over the shell of Mike’s ear and dips his fingers into Mike’s waistband._

_“Yes you did,” Mike leans back against his chest, feels his heart beat strong and steady and it makes him want to cry._

_“I didn’t know. It was either I die or you end up hating me, and that wasn’t going to happen now was it?” he says in am amused tone, Mike doesn’t smile. “I didn’t know Mike, I suspected,” Harvey says, fingers creeping lower, lips against Mike’s jaw, there’s a slight smattering of stubble, like it’s a Sunday evening and Harvey spent the whole weekend either naked or in sweat pants and hasn’t bothered to shave, and its rasps against Mike’s skin._

_“And you didn’t feel the need to tell me?” Mike asks and Harvey’s fingers brush against his dick._

_“Why taint what we had, Rookie?” Harvey replies, pulling his hand back out of Mike’s pants. “I’ve got to go,” he lets Mike go and takes a step back._

_“Why?” Mike reaches out for him and Harvey cocks his head to the side._

_“You’ve got to wake up, Mike.”_

Mike’s alarm is loud but it makes a satisfying crunch as it hits the floor.

.....

Mike wants to sleep forever. Because that’s the only place he sees Harvey, the only place he feels his hands, for real, not some phantom touch, but sure and real, he can feel the sweat on Harvey’s palms as he wraps his hands around Mike’s face. 

Donna calls, pops round every evening, and Mike can’t muster the energy to smile at her as she picks up his clothes from the floor and washes the dishes, throws out the empty take out containers. 

“You’re not the only one that misses him, Mike,” she snaps one day and slams the door hard enough that the walls shake. 

She’s right of course, Mike’s being selfish, he knows he is but he can’t seem to shake the misery that makes him want to destroy everything good in his life. 

_“Puppy. You upset Donna,” Harvey says, his arms crossed over his chest. “You must have gone crazy since I’ve been away.”_

_“Leave me alone.”_

_Harvey frowns, lines across his forehead that before Mike would have smoothed with his fingers, crawling into Harvey’s lap and kissing him till the tension ran out of his body._

_“What did you just say to me?”_

_“You’re not real. You’re not here. I can’t let you go if you keep popping up in my dreams, Harvey,” Mike shouts, throwing the nearest thing at Harvey, a BarBri legal handbook and Mike wants to laugh at the irony. Harvey dodges it and moves without Mike seeing, curling his fingers around Mike’s wrists and pulling him close._

_“You don’t want me gone, Mike,” he says, lets go of one wrist and taps at Mike’s forehead, “I’m in here. You move on, you let me go, and I’ll go.”_

_“I don’t want you to go,” Mike says quietly and Harvey snakes his free arm around Mike’s back, pulls him close and kisses him hard._

_“I know kid, but you have to let me.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because you can’t keep shouting at everyone, and expecting me to come back. I’ve gone Mike, I love you but I’m not coming back,” Mike feels his eyes stinging, his vision blurring and Harvey kisses him again, hands pressing into the soft skin at the back of his neck. “You’ve got to let me go Rookie.”_

_“Not yet.”_

.....

Mike should be surprised when he comes home from apologising to Donna to find Trevor with his back against the door again. He’s not though and he sighs, holds his hand out to Trevor and helps haul him to his feet. 

“I told you I wouldn’t stay away,” Trevor says and Mike sighs again, catches sight of himself in the mirror in the hallway. He looks terrible, too skinny and pale, with dark circles under his eyes and Trevor pushes the door closed. “You doing better?” 

“I went to see Grammy the other day,” Mike says instead of answering the question he has no idea how to answer. Trevor raises an eyebrow and looks like he wants to come closer. “She…” 

“What did she say Mike?” Trevor interrupts. There’s a counter between them but Mike can feel the way Trevor’s body practically vibrates with the need to move. Mike can’t help but look differently at him now he knows. For most of his life Mike would have given anything to have someone tell him, with certainty, that Trevor was his, and know he knows that to be true, he can’t help cursing whatever deity, creator, blind fucking watchmaker, made up this rule. 

“Mike,” Trevor takes another step forward and runs his hand down Mike’s arm, curls his fingers with Mike’s and Mike pulls away, turns to the coffee machine and flips the switch. He’s angry with Harvey right now and he doesn’t want to sleep. 

“Coffee?” 

“What did she say Mike?” Trevor’s close behind him and Mike whirls around, pushes at his chest, he can’t have Trevor that close, not now. 

“She said you were mine, Trevor. She said you were mine,” Trevor’s face is impassive, thankfully, Mike’s not sure he could see relief or pleasure on his face right now without wanting to punch it. “She said you were mine, but that Harvey had to go first, and now I can’t look at you the same way. I hate that one day I’m going to be happy with you, that one day I will probably love you the way I love him…no don’t touch me please,” Mike backs away from him as Trevor makes to reach out. He shoves his hands into his pockets and Mike runs his through his hair, turning back to the coffee machine and fiddling with the dials. 

“I don’t want to replace him Mike, I just…” Trevor says and Mike turns, finds Trevor closer than he thought and presses his palms to Trevor’s chest, pushes slightly. 

“I just can’t Trevor,” he pushes harder when Trevor wont back off, “not yet, I’m not even sure if ever.” 

The coffee machine splutters and bleeps its error message and Mike feels fury bubbling under his skin.

“Mike,” the machine bleeps again and Mike throws it to the floor before he even realises what he’s doing, it smashes against the expensive marble tiles, glass and plastic skitters across the floor. 

“The fucking thing. I hate it. It can’t even make fucking coffee,” Mike feels his eyes prickle as he bends down to pick up the pieces and Trevor is there as well, kneeling down and picking up bits of broken glass, throwing them into the sink as Mike feels the first sting of tears spill over his eyes, down his cheeks. 

“It’s ok, Mike, I got this.” 

“I don’t want to you have it Trevor,” Mike shouts, standing up and Trevor stands too, reaches out to him and Mike sidesteps, “I can fucking do it, I’m not broken, I don’t need your help.” Trevor closes his hand around Mike’s arm, pulls him close. 

“Don’t touch me…” Mike tries to shrug him off but Trevor tugs again, wraps his arms around Mike, “…don’t…” Mike struggles but Trevor’s always been stronger, he just holds on, “don’t…” 

“Let go Mike.” Trevor says, holding him tight and then Mike’s fight is lost as he gives in, finally, grips at the back of Trevor’s shirt, balls the soft cotton in his fists and sobs into his chest. “I got you.”

.....

_“So you finally cried, huh?” Harvey’s arms are warm around Mike, his fingers tracing lazy patterns across Mike’s back and Mike hums into Harvey’s neck. “Wuss.”_

_Mike pinches his skin between his fingers hard and Harvey jerks. “I was joking,” he mutters, turning them both and pressing Mike’s shoulder into the mattress. He glances to the side and Mike looks too, sees Trevor asleep next to them, his face pressed into the pillow and his arms spread out, fingers reaching across to him. He’s fully clothed and Mike remembers Trevor hauling him to bed and pulling the covers over him, holding him close and just letting him cry._

_“You’re gonna do just fine, kid,” Harvey says, looking down at Mike with a gentleness in his eyes that makes Mike smile._

_“I am, aren’t I?” he says and Harvey kisses him, presses his hips down and Mike arches upwards._

_“Just fine.”_

Mike wakes with the ghost of Harvey’s touch lingering on his skin and Trevor’s even breathing next to him. And for the first time since Harvey left, even though there’s still a dull ache in his chest which he knows will be there for a long time, he feels like he can breathe a little more easily.


End file.
